A Dance with Ewan

Some day, when Ewan selects the partner of his choice, and decides to get married, or celebrates in some other way that would give me an excuse to have a public dance with him, I want to dance to this song.

"Where You Lead" – Written and Performed by Carole King

Wanting you the way I do

I only want to be with you

And I would go to the ends of the earth

'Cause, darling, to me that's what you're worth

Where you lead, I will follow

Anywhere that you tell me to

If you need, you need me to be with you

I will follow where you lead

If you're out on the road

Feeling lonely and so cold

All you have to do is call my name

And I'll be there on the next train

Where you lead, I will follow

Anywhere that you tell me to

If you need, you need me to be with you

I will follow where you lead

I always wanted a real home with flowers on the window sill

But if you want to live in New York City, honey, you know I will

I never thought I could get satisfaction from just one man

But, if anyone could keep me happy, you're the one who can

And where you lead, I will follow

Anywhere that you tell me to

If you need, you need me to be with you

I will follow where you lead

When Ewan first came home from the hospital we spent a lot of time on the couch --- cuddling and sleeping and eating and healing. Often the television was on in the background, and commonly my favorite show ("The Gilmore Girls") was on, and while the lyrics can read a little creepy when discussing your son, to me they conjure the relationships in that show and the realities of motherhood, plus she sings it with her daughter in most versions. 

An episode of "The Gilmore Girls" seems to play in our house at least once a day and I swear when Ewan hears the song he stops and looks at me and his eyes say, "mama, remember when I was little and we used to watch this together." For the rest of his life I feel like saying something about "when he was little will" make me tear up --- he has me.   

52 : 29

After being gone last week I have been soaking in the cuddles. Taking every opportunity I have to love on both my boys. One is extremely busy with work and the other is SO close to crawling I can barely stand it, which means little tolerance for siting still, but when all else fails the sneaky while they are sleeping attack!

Being a hard worker

Give everything your all, or give it nothing! Choose wisely what is worth your effort and commit. Life is too short to have a job you hate, a relationship that doesn't make you happy, or an obligation that you dread. This is not to say that at some point you won't have to do something you hate, me and geometry never got along, but working hard and checking the necessary evils off the list is also rewarding and a means to an end, just keep that end in sight.

When you find what you love, set a goal, and all of a sudden working hard won't be tough, yes some days will be, but cumulatively you will be happier. Also, a lot of fulfillment comes from knowing you are dedicated to seeing something (anything) succeed.

In this same vein, invest wisely. Be sure to balance your output with the input you receive. At work, give it your all, but ensure you are compensated and rewarded in line with your efforts. With friends and family avoid the trappings of one-sided relationships, there will always be times when someone needs more than you do, but make sure that on those days when you need more they are there. And always have a goal, some days taking a shower and others kicking ass in an important meeting.

At the end of the day as long as you can look in the mirror and know that you tried hard, and prioritized what really matters to you, that day is a success.

52 : 28

I am not going to lie. It has been a hard week. My company's annual conference is taking place and with over 45,000 customers expected it is definitely all hands on deck, which means 14+ hour days for mama and a hotel room in San Francisco because the risk of falling asleep while driving is just to great and the only hours I would be home would include my family sleeping and me watching the clock and the BlackBerry.

We discussed the boys staying in the hotel with me, but decided that between the dogs and the fact that I would only be there when they would be sleeping it would disrupt them greatly and comfort me minimally, you know with the mom guilt and all.

So a few kisses while passing off Ewan's milk is what we had to resign ourselves to, but I anticipate a sweet weekend with warm baby cuddly naps and sweet play sessions with my 2 favorites.

Kevin has been texting me updates to keep my spirits up, including this week's picture. Wednesday was curriculum night at "school" and the polliwogs did a painting activity.

Being proud

Each day as I go through my life I think about the things I want Ewan to know and be... Not things like the circumference of the world (although K would probably argue this an important factoid) or to be a doctor. But things like being grateful, which I discussed after my birthday.

For the last month or so I have been thinking about the fact that I want EP to be proud. Proud of himself and his accomplishments, not boastful but proud, and also to celebrate the accomplishments of the people that he loves. Neither K nor I are awesome at celebrating ourselves, but each other, we do that in style.

This week it became official, Kevin is a Certified Public Accountant --- after 3.5 years of night classes and test preparation he did it! Being a CPA these days requires candidates to pass 4 board exams, 1 California ethics exam, satisfy various work requirements, pass background checks, and of course write a few checks. Kevin has juggled more than a full time job, his family, his friends, his puppies, his hobbies, his home, and the pursuit of this goal. We have celebrated along the way and will continue to for at least a few more months. K sees this as just another thing he has done, but we will make sure he is celebrated and has at least a few moments of pride along the way --- and maybe the opportunity to catch up on some of that sleep he has been sacrificing!

Whenever I write a card for K I tell him I am proud to call him my husband, and I know that many cards to Ewan will say that I am proud to call him my son. I want both of my boys to know just how amazing and accomplished and loved they are!

Baby Blanket

1 week before my due date, which ended up being 2 weeks before Ewan was born, I started knitting this blanket. I knew that I wanted to knit my baby a blanket, but in all the other baby preparation my knitting sort of fell to the side. I knew I would not finish it before Ewan arrived, but I did not expect it to take me 6 months to finish! Many people have commented that they thought I would spend my maternity leave knitting, but I sort of spent it taking care of my baby, so again my knitting was
de-prioritized.

In almost 5 years of knitting (learning was my new years resolution in 2008) I have knit many many patterns, but I think this may be the best pattern I have ever used. The instructions were clear, the chart easy to read, and the images beautiful. The pattern was written by Brooklyn Tweed (aka Jared Flood) and it will definitely not be the last of his that I use. The blanket is the tweed baby blanket, and I did the small version using a dark blue and a grey yarn from a favorite, Sundara Yarn.

My hope is that Ewan will love snuggling in this blanket as much as I loved making it... while he was kicking in my belly and napping in his crib.

52 : 27

This last week we celebrated Ewan's half birthday, we have a half year old! Amongst the celebrating Ewan had his 6-month well baby visit, and well "beefcake baby" is doing great!

Measuring 28.5 inches tall and weighing 19 pounds 5.7 ounces --- he has grown 6.5 inches and gained about 9 pounds 9 ounces (not quite doubling his birth weight) since he was born! He has hit all expected developmental milestones and is exceedingly interactive, curious, and mobile.

In another month Ewan can increase his solids to 2 meals a day with protein (meat, cheese, yogurt), but for now sticking to one serving of fruit or veggies a day while introducing water in a sippy cup! Bananas are still the big food winner, but this weekend we will take a stab at sweet potatoes and green beans. Push ups are a new favorite activity, and dare I say crawling is predicted to be next!

EP's official 6 month photo - taken September 8th, 2012

A minute...

In my life I have never marked a specific minute with any value. I don't know what minute K and I became husband and wife, I don't even remember what time our wedding was. I don't know when we had our first kiss, or when he proposed. And thinking about it, I don't even know what minute I was born. But the time 3:33pm, or as my dad would say 15:33, is forever burned in my brain and elicits an emotional response if I see it on a clock.

Six months ago today at 3:33pm (the minute this posts) Ewan joined us in this world and everyday since I have loved him so much it hurts... I read this phrase on a blog and it just made such sense to me.

In honor of 6 months we are doing what we do, celebrating! We will take a ton of pictures, head to Ewan's first official swim lesson, he will wow at his first wedding, and then tomorrow we are off to the ballpark for his first Dodgers game!

We are so grateful to have you baby boy, you make us better.

52 : 26

Our sitting machine! Ewan has been sitting since he was about 5 months old, but in the last week those abs have really started to work. He will sit for long periods of time, only losing his balance when lunging for his toys or his beloved puppies. In this photo he is watching Coco and attempting to subliminally call her to him!